Mindset coaching is one of the most readily available tools available to help you live a more deliberate life. When you coach yourself, you regain control and understanding of your thoughts and how they impact your present feelings and circumstances.
If you are wondering, “What is coaching? How is coaching different from therapy? What do I look for in a coach? Or, “How do I coach myself to live?” then you are in the right place!
Let’s dive in…
The Why
Modern day problems are controlled by our primitive brain. Not primitive in a negative way, but primitive in the basic functions that kept us alive and thriving throughout human existence. Our primitive brain wants to avoid pain and seek pleasure. It’s the toddler of our higher thinking. It is the part of our brain that says, “One more Netflix episode and then I’ll start a load of laundry.” “Target first, gym second.” The toddler brain is responsible for our immediate need for gratification. We overeat, over drink, over binge and consume because of our toddler brain. This brain of ours is not trying to sabotage us, it’s simply trying to keep us alive; avoid danger, seek refuge. It recalls the moments that kept us alive and safe, then recognizes everything new as a threat.
What About Now?
Fast forward to modern day life and its abundance of distractions, the comforts of technology, this toddler brain gets to go buck wild. We have access to quick fixes like grocery delivery, YouTube tutorials, the internet, etc. we barely need our toddler brain to “keep us alive” anymore. Pleasure is everywhere, food is abundant and lions aren’t roaming our streets. However, this primitive brain of ours still wants skin in the game.
So if we consider the roles we play as caretakers, employees, bosses, there’s this pressure to be able to do it all. We have abundant resources and the tip of our fingertips so what’s the excuse to not do it all? The new form of “survival” is acceptance, approval, validation from others, and keeping up with the good ole’ social media comparison trap. The primitive brain is no longer getting its gratification from hunting and gathering, it’s now wanting external approval.
Coaching vs. Therapy
Again, our primitive brain is not trying to set us up for failure, it serves its intentions as pure. However, the knowledge to understand when your primitive brain is trying to sabotage reason is when coaching steps in. In other words, you’re having a thought that may not be serving you, the toddler brain steps in and BOOM it is the wizard behind the curtain controlling your emotions and reactions.
Now, therapy on the other hand is an entirely different animal. In the most basic layman definition, therapy is for the past, coaching is for the present. So if you suffered childhood abuse or experienced something horrific in your past, you need therapy to work through the trauma, right? Coaching is not for that. Coaching is work to help you process mindfully now to serve you better “next.” In the next minutes, days, weeks and even years. It’s emotional and mental practice that flexes and increases your wellness, understanding and resilience. You can graduate from therapy, coaching yourself is forever.
Coaching, a Deeper Dive
Finding a coach and coaching yourself is not about trying to erase your humanness or fix you, it’s about allowing you to experience life from your highest level of emotional thinking. Coaching is an accountability practice. Coaching can help you with weight loss, marriage, motherhood, caregiving, business, the skies the limit.
If you can, think back to an experience you share with someone else you know. For example, you and a coworker share an experience of both getting a flat tire this month. You called your tow, paid for the damage, let the family know it was takeout for dinner then continued about your day. Your coworker frantically sat on the side of the road for an hour calling everyone she knew for tow company recommendations, screamed at her husband for having her take that route, complained to the entire breakroom how, “she can’t win, another $400 out the window.” Yada, yada. Whose experience had unnecessary suffering and whose didn’t? That’s coaching, that’s mindset work. Acknowledging the situation, feeling bummed, BUT working through and moving on down the path with the least emotional and mental resistance. Life is happening to you, it’s just happening.
How Does it Apply?
So whether you are overwhelmed by caretaking or over drinking, feeling self-pity or just noticing negative thoughts, finding a coach and self coaching can help you grow and navigate so you can move forward from a place of clean thinking.
For example, I love juice. Sugary delicious juice; cranberry to be specific. My primitive brain wants to drink glasses of it a day, to fulfill that urge. In order to manage that desire I need to come from a higher level of thinking. Drinking juice is not supporting the healthy lifestyle I want to live. So I simply stopped drinking it. Without drama. I just don’t drink it anymore. I don’t buy it, I don’t drink it, I don’t even acknowledge the aisle in the store. It’s just no longer an option for me. I wasn’t overconsuming juice by any means, but I’d have it at least once a day if it was available. Could I have limited myself to once a week, maybe…? But I know that even then, it doesn’t fit my lifestyle, it doesn’t fit the healthy future me. Coaching is future focused without the noise. I don’t have to announce and work at being a non juice drinker. I decided not to, it’s my personal rule, so I don’t. This doesn’t mean I will never drink juice again, it just means right now it’s not an option for me.
This is how coaching helps you uplevel your thinking. You gain agency over your mindset and allow yourself to live now as the version of the future self you want to be. With this agency you experience fewer regrets, stop letting the past control you and move forward less reactively, more controlled. You live intentionally, as you wish.
Apply IT
If you’ve read this far, you are already starting your self coaching journey. The best part, you can coach yourself as often as you need. Daily, weekly, monthly. If you are just starting out, you may want to make it a point to set aside 5 minutes a day to reflect and practice your mindset. This is the best way to allow coaching to become second nature.
I think the easiest and most effective way to self-coach is with the Thought Model. I learned this process listening to podcasts and youtube videos by Brooke Castillo, founder of The Life Coach School. It’s a simple model that allows you to separate your feelings from your thoughts from your actions to set yourself up for the best possible circumstances. This is a link directly to the Life Coach School’s Self Coaching Model so you can get started coaching yourself today.
Coaching to Live, Real Life Examples
So, a personal example of how the model can help. This past year my husband and I went through 4 rounds of IVF without a viable pregnancy. Some may say, “without success.” However, thanks to some mindset work, I feel like we had insurmountable amounts of success. My body was strong and accepting of the medications with minimal side effects. I learned I had way more self discipline than I knew possible. I beat age standards and odds.
Honestly, I did and still do dip my toe in the pool of self-pity. We spent huge sums of money that left us with credit card debt. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, defeated, or panicked. Then I coach myself and realize that without credit cards, I never would have had the opportunity to do IVF in the first place. Credit cards gave me a sense of peace, never questioning “what if” I could have tried IVF. Now every month when I go to pay my bill and remember the opportunity I was afforded thanks to my good credit. The money will get paid back and in return, I don’t carry the regret of the unknown.
Mindset shifts. That’s coaching. Purposeful living with clean thinking.
Coaching to Live for Caretakers
So if you are here you are probably part of the caretaking audience. So let’s take another example. If you are new here, my Dad has been living with Dementia/Alzheimer’s for over 10 years now. People often come up to me and say, “I think about your Dad all the time, how hard it must be living without him even though he is still here.” Their sentiment is genuine, it just doesn’t serve me. This isn’t to say I’m not allowing myself feelings of sadness or loneliness at times. It’s healthy to allow emotion to process through us. I just don’t wallow in it. Instead, I think, “I am fortunate to have a father to miss so much. It means I was loved, kept safe and got to experience a bond that is ours and ours alone. What a beautiful gift to feel and understand unconditional love.” Awareness is not inflated positivity. Awareness is acknowledging the emotions and then giving them a clean place to live. I miss my Dad because he’s so darn missable. That’s beautiful!
Now on the flip side my thoughts could be, “Why did this happen to me?” “How will I live without my best friend?” “Bad things always happen to good people” That doesn’t feel so good, right? So which mindset would you rather move forward with? THAT is coaching.
Coach to Live
Coaching helps us navigate the small things, like giving up juice as well as the big things like finding out a loved one is ill. Mindset work is the catalyst to a more deliberate and drama free life. Coaching yourself to live is for everyone facing the human experience.
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