How to Find Joy & Gratitude as A Caregiver

Though difficult to admit, it can be a reach to find joy and gratitude as a caregiver. From initial diagnosis throughout the term of life for your loved one, caregiving can be frustrating, defeating and even overstimulating at times.  Truthfully, there are days when it feels like you are just trying to keep your head above water.  It is easy to get lost in the daily mundane tasks and much harder to remember to enjoy your loved one for who they are today, even if it is different from who they were before.  

Unfortunately, the cold hard truth is that in many cases if you are caring for someone, it means your time with them is likely running short.  As difficult as it may be at times, it is so important to enjoy the time you have left with your loved one for the both of you.  On the exceptionally challenging days being a caregiver can feel like a punishment or even a burden.   You don’t want to feel this way but it’s hard not to let these emotions overwhelm.  These feelings don’t make you a selfish or terrible caregiver, they just mean you are human.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the negativity and forget that you can access the positivity and enjoyment you crave.  Take a look at 6 simple steps that can help you find joy and gratitude in caregiving.

1. Take a Moment For Yourself

Finding time for yourself probably sounds like an obvious solution however the way in which you find time for yourself is what counts.  Finding time for yourself doesn’t require money, a lot of time or even the need to leave the house.  Wake up 10 minutes before your loved one and practice breath work.  Take an extra 2 minutes when you are in the bathroom to sit quiet and look at pictures that remind you of simpler, happier times.  Give yourself permission to go into another room and play a song that lifts your spirits.  Making time for yourself can be overwhelming but if you simplify the action it becomes readily obtainable.  Find one or even many opportunities throughout your day to show yourself some love and boost your spirits.

From Experience:  When I would get frustrated with my Dad I would take a moment to step away and allow myself to be frustrated.  Sometimes a few tears would fall or I’d feel like the walls were closing in on me.  Closing my eyes and visualizing some of my favorite memories with him would bring me joy.  Joy would bring me gratitude.  Gratitude ignited and fueled new levels of patience and I could carry on being the person he needed and deserved. 

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The Most Effective Ways To Prioritize Yourself As A Caregiver

2. See Life Through Your Loved Ones Eyes

Taking a moment to step into your loved ones shoes is a very humbling experience.  How would you feel in their position?  How would you want to be treated?  Challenging times make it hard to remember that this season of life is hard for the both of you.  This doesn’t mean your feelings are not valid.  It simply means you are choosing awareness for the both of you.  

From Experience:  At times, my Dad would get really upset and angry.  It would come quickly and unexpectedly.  During the early stages of his diagnoses it was hard not to argue back.  Taking a moment to imagine how frustrating it would be to not remember how to write a check or to tie your own shoes really helped me to find empathy and understanding.

3. Be Present

This step helps to stabilize seeing life through your loved ones eyes.  Be present with yourself and with your loved one.  

If you are struggling with feeling frustrated, ground yourself.  Walk over to a window and feel the warm sun on your face, take a breath and quiet your mind for 60 seconds.  Enjoy and be grateful for the small moments you have right at your fingertips.

Dreading the mundane tasks of the day can rob you of being in the now.  If the person you are caring for is chuckling at a tv show, ask if you can join them.  Showing interest in what they are still capable of during this stage of their illness will make them feel seen and allow you to bond with them in ways that can easily slip away.  It shows you are interested in their world and whatever limitations it has presented to them.  It’s easy to worry about the tasks at hand and forget that caring means more than cooking meals and giving baths.  

Be engaged, be in the moment, don’t let time slip by.  

From Experience:  My dad used to love action movies.  As his disease progressed the films we once loved watching together became a stress trigger for him.  The shows he watched and enjoyed started to be those he watched as a child.  Though I didn’t find the same interest in watching the Three Stooges I’d often sit with him and laugh along.  He no longer has the attention span to watch tv.  I’m grateful that I took time to be present in his world while I still could.

4. Let Your Inner Child Be Your Guide

If the person you are caring for is experiencing limitations, experience them together.  Tap into your inner child and get creative.  Think about how as a child you could find joy playing with a box, toy car or crayons.  Take that creativity and imagination and apply it today.

From Experience:  A fellow patient at my Dad’s home often refuses to eat.  We will call her Sara.  It was often a concern of Sara’s that she didn’t have money in her purse to pay for her meal, so she wouldn’t touch a crumb.  One day I pulled a no longer active Visa Gift Card out of my wallet and told a staff member to put it in Sara’s wallet.  During the next meal the staff member showed Sara that she did in fact have “money” to pay for her food.  Sure enough, Sara began eating.  A little creativity can go a long way!

5. Make Tasks Feel Like Play

The limitations that a loved one can experience during the duration of their illness can be defeating.  Daily tasks you perform to ensure your loved one is well cared for can be tireless and heavy.  Try to make these limitations and “to dos” enjoyable by making them feel less mundane.    Make games out of tasks.  Guess how many pieces of laundry are in the basket and the winner picks lunch.  Get outside and play eye spy during therapy.  Watch a cooking show together and then try to recreate the recipe and let them judge the hell out of it.  Whatever it is, try to bring some lightness and play into the day to day.   

From Experience: When my Dad first transitioned into his new home he would constantly be moving.   He’d be up, down and all over exploring his new environment.  Everyday was a new adventure to him.  After all, it is hard to remember a new environment when you are experiencing symptoms of Dementia and Alzheimer’s.  One of my Dad’s greatest joys was to walk the halls of his complex over and over, so I’d walk with him.  There were days we’d walk miles, round and round the complex. My feet hurt, he loved it.  I love that he loved it and he loved that I was experiencing his joy.  Joy for all.

6.  Don’t Isolate

Caregiving can be isolating.  Saying yes to outings when you already have a never ending list of responsibilities doesn’t always seem like the priority.  Sometimes, just the thought of going out can feel overwhelming in itself; arranging alternative care, trying to get both of you ready and even just being in public and worrying about what unexpected challenges can arise can be daunting.  Say yes!  Agree to going out so your loved one can enjoy their favorite meal.  Find confidence in trusting the care of your loved one in someone else’s hands for an hour or two.  Say yes to experiencing joy in ways that both of you enjoy.  Try to remember that it won’t always be this way.  Make the time and memories while you still can.

From Experience:  My Mom became anxious when she and my Dad would be invited somewhere.  Often times she would get very nervous and overcompensate for my Dad’s new shortcomings.  It made the whole experience really unenjoyable for everyone involved.  Eventually she did not want to leave the house at all. Looking back we often talk about how lucky we were that my Dad did get to have some of those experiences.  It was difficult at the time but we didn’t need to make it that way.  All the memories of anxiousness and nervousness dissipate.  The family and friends who got to see my Dad and have the memory of him at their child’s first birthday party or their wedding are the only memories that remain.  Those memories bring joy and peace to people who share in our love for him.